This article looks at why people who care deeply for animals often feel unsure of themselves, especially when expert advice conflicts with their instincts. It explores the guilt and self-doubt that can follow, and why ethical, welfare-centred care needs both evidence and self-trust.
Written by Gemma Sheppard – founder of More Than Human, animal welfare advocate, BSc Psychology and MSc Human-Animal Interaction and Wellbeing.
Learning self-trust as an animal carer is often hardest for the people who care the most.
Something I notice time and time again with people who choose to care for animals is this:
- They care deeply about getting it right — and end up believing they’re getting it wrong.
- They receive conflicting advice from professionals, often presented as “evidence-based”.
- They follow guidance that doesn’t feel right in their gut because it comes from someone with authority.
Afterwards, they feel guilty, uneasy, or ashamed. I know this because I’ve been there.
I have used harsh lead corrections with my dog because a trainer told me to.
I have whipped a horse hard because an instructor told me to.
And every single time, it didn’t feel right.
I didn’t enjoy doing it.
I didn’t feel proud of myself afterwards.
I always felt bad.
Experiences like this are part of what shaped how I now work with people and their animals, particularly through Pet Relationship Coaching.
When Professional Advice Overrides Your Instincts
Many of us are taught, directly or indirectly, that our instincts as animal carers can’t be trusted. That we should defer to “experts,” even when something inside us is quietly saying this doesn’t feel okay.
The animal care and animal training world can make this especially hard.
Why Confident Advice Isn’t Always Ethical Advice
There is so much information online now. Social media is full of confident voices, strong opinions and polished videos showing animal behaviour and welfare as simple and black-and-white. But…
- Popularity doesn’t equal qualification
- Confidence doesn’t equal competence
- Visibility doesn’t equal welfare
A trainer with a large following may not be sharing information that genuinely improves your animal’s wellbeing or strengthens your relationship with them. They may simply be very good at social media.
That doesn’t make them malicious — but it does mean we need discernment, especially when it comes to ethical and humane animal care.
The Cost of Ignoring Your Gut
When we override our instincts again and again, something subtle happens:
- We stop trusting ourselves as animal carers
- We outsource responsibility for our animals’ well-being
- We feel anxious about making decisions alone
- We second-guess every choice
- We feel guilt for doing what felt wrong or not doing what we were told
This is something I see often in people navigating conflicting advice about animal welfare, behaviour, and training approaches.
And yet, the very reason you’re here, reading this, caring, questioning, is because you care deeply.
That level of care — that attunement — cannot be taught.
For some people, having gentle, reflective support can help rebuild confidence and clarity in their decisions.
Evidence and Intuition Belong Together in Ethical Animal Care
This isn’t an argument against science, logic, or evidence-informed animal care – quite the opposite.
Evidence matters.
Critical thinking matters.
Questioning methods matters.
But so does your lived experience with your animal.
So does noticing how your animal responds in their body.
So does paying attention to signs of stress, tension, or relaxation.
So does recognising how you feel when you interact with them — emotionally and physically.
Within this community, and in my work more broadly, I encourage people to question everything.
Use logic.
Use evidence.
Ask for sources.
But also use your gut instinct.
Because if your gut says something is wrong, it probably is.
This way of thinking is at the heart of my work in Pet Relationship Coaching, where the focus is on attunement, emotional safety, and welfare — not obedience or control.
Self-Trust Is a Welfare Skill
Learning to trust yourself as an animal carer isn’t about arrogance or rejecting professional support.
It’s about remembering that you are the one who knows your animal best.
You are the one who sees them every day.
You are the one who notices subtle changes in behaviour, emotion, and regulation.
You are the one who feels the emotional impact of your choices.
Your intuition is shaped by care, observation, relationship, and responsibility — that matters.
Animals don’t need perfect carers.
They need attuned ones.
And if you’re here questioning, reflecting, and wanting to do better, you’re already doing something right.
Trust that.
If you’re looking for a space to explore this further:
If this article resonated, you might appreciate the Skool community I’ve created for people who care deeply about More Than Human Animals.
It’s a space for animal lovers to learn, reflect, and connect over the realities of the human–animal bond — without pressure to “train,” fix, or control.
We explore what it means to live alongside animals with care, curiosity, and ethical responsibility, and how our own nervous systems, beliefs, and experiences shape those relationships.
If that feels aligned, you’re very welcome to join us here:
Click here to Join the More Than Human Animals community on Skool